can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
