wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize