I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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