I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
