I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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