if only i could text you this smell
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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