hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
