I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
