just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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