my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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