today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
