You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
