No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
