epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
