Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
