Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
