I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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