but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize