Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
