drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
