I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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