I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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