I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
