Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
