when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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