I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
