took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
