Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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