Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i will never coherently bang her
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
