a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
