you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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