remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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