Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
