guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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