benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
God I need to hump something, right now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
