i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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