Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
