the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
