I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
