I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
