literally had 100 drinks last night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
