So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
