I molested 6 butterflies tonight
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
