im six kinds of drunk right now
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
