How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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