If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
