is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
