The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dick very happy bro
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
