I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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