how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
