We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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