Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
