In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
