The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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