Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
