Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
