i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm like, not good at living.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize