toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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