He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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