why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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