Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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