too bad you live with your parents still
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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