I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
