you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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