As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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