I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
