Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
