My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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