When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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