non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
