Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
