in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
