Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
