There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
