I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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