so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
