Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize