I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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